Hi guys. Just writing a blog because I felt like it. Not quite sure what to talk about, but I'll figure something out. I feel like there's something I need to say... but don't know how to get it out!
Remember how I said I wasn't going to weigh myself for a month? Still haven't! The scale is there in the basement, out there for me to see and everything, but I have NOT stepped on it at all, promise! It hasn't been too bad, honestly. Although as soon as I made that decision, I did feel myself ease up on my diet right away. I was a little more lenient, but that was just the first week. Now I'm being more strict. I haven't let up on my exercise though, that's for sure. I would like to do one whole week of exercising straight. No rest days! Maybe this week? We'll see!
I'm so excited to weigh in though. It's going to be so suspenseful! Anything could happen... gain, loss, stay the same. Who knows! But I really, really hope it's a good loss! That will assure me that I can do this on my own, without the motivation of The Biggest Loser helping me out!
So lately I've been noticing that when I'm sitting down for a while, really relaxed, maybe even with my feet up, that when I go to stand up, I get really lightheaded and sometimes see little stars. It's not a cool feeling. I've taken my pulse and blood pressure a few times recently and they are both pretty low. My pulse is usually 40-50 and my blood pressure is around 115/60ish. I like that my heart rate is so slow now, it's cool. But I wonder if that's causing me to feel lightheaded when I stand up. It's only slow because I work out so much now! Hmm... oh well, hopefully my body adjusts to and overcomes these new changes.
Halloween is coming up. It's officially on Monday, but we're doing the celebrating this Saturday. I love Halloween. Of course I liked it more when I was younger, because of the candy! I used to look forward to it so much. I loved dressing up and going out around the neighborhood. I wish I could still trick-or-treat. I really miss being a kid!
This year has probably made me feel the most grown up so far. I've done a lot of new things, and time has just been flying by so fast that it really makes me realize how quick I am going to grow old! It's really sad. I don't like to think about getting old, but it's inevitable! I'm starting to run out of things to look forward to. It used to be holidays, birthdays, turning 16 so I could drive, turning 18 so that I was an adult, turning 21 so I could drink, getting engaged, getting married... Now all that's left... having a baby! I see now why people have babies soon after getting married. Because you crave that new feeling. The excitement you get from having something to look forward to. But it all gets old eventually. I know that's kind of a crappy attitude to have on life, but it's just how I feel. I know that once I have kids, all I will look forward to is their milestones and living my life vicariously through them! *Sigh*
Speaking of kids... and don't get any thoughts (Rayna and Roch) but I'm just not ready for them! I used to think I wanted to have a baby RIGHT after getting married. Now I realized a few things.
1. We're not financially stable enough to afford a kid. My mom would say otherwise, because somehow she raised 5 kids and a million pets on only my Dad's income. I have no clue how, but I don't want to attempt it! Just trying to live off of our income's with roommates and 1 dog is hard enough! It's truly a scary feeling when you're not sure if you will be able to pay a certain bill each month! Adding a baby to the mix would not help!
2. I'm not ready. I know, I know... typical answer. But I honestly don't feel ready yet. I'm only 23. I know that's old compared to how young people used to be in the old days when they had kids, but to me, that's still young! There's just a lot of things I still want to do and experience before having kids. Nothing super amazing, like travelling or anything like that. But just the simple, little things in life that most of us take for granted. Sleeping in, staying up late, going out drinking, short notice trips, spur of the moment outings, grocery shopping, watching a movie, going to dinner, exercising (!!!!), running errands. Anything! Just being carefree is what I will miss and I don't want to feel like I'm missing out on things because of a baby. I don't want to regret my baby! Simple as that. Once you have a kid, the rest of your life is spent thinking about your kid, taking care of it, planning ahead for it, loving it... You're not just thinking of yourself anymore, and that's scary!
3. Probably something that seems greedy... but my body. Since I was fat for the majority of my childhood, teenage years and early adult life, I really felt held back. I rarely felt pretty. I never really experienced things the way I wanted to. It was like having a huge weight on my shoulders, literally. When you're fat, you just feel like an outcast. You get categorized, and treated differently than "normal" sized people. It's pretty unfair, but you just have to deal with it. The only benefit you get from being fat is getting to eat whatever you want.
While that is enjoyable, it's not worth it! Having to shop at specific stores... that sucks! I couldn't find cute boots because none would zip past my calves. Putting on boots in general was hard, putting on socks was hard, tying shoes, painting my toes, hard and hard! Walking up a flight of stairs, getting in and out of a car, going on amusement rides, going to the beach, sitting at a booth, anything! Doing any of those simple things is difficult when you're fat! And it sucks! But it didn't have to be that way, so I changed it. And being able to go from FAT to in shape, healthy, and a decent size is an amazing feeling! I couldn't be happier with myself and I never want to go back to that old me.
So back to my point. I'm REALLY enjoying my new body. Shopping at normal stores is awesome!! Not feeling self conscious is such a great feeling. So if I were to get pregnant now, I would feel that I didn't get enough time to enjoy all the benefits of my hard work and dedication. I would also be scared that I would gain a lot of weight and go back to my old habits. I would hope not! But I don't know for sure. When I DO get pregnant, I'm going to try my HARDEST to still eat right and keep exercising throughout my pregnancy. FOR SURE!
Somehow my blog just turned into me talking about why I don't want kids. Sorry, not sure how that happened. But now you know! I think I would like to have my first one by the time I'm 25 though... so we'll see!
Time to get back to work I suppose. So happy it's my last night, and I'm off for 4 days! Yay! Really excited to celebrate Halloween this weekend:) I hope you all have a fun and safe weekend! Thank you for reading... it encourages me a lot to keep doing what I'm doing!
<3Happy Halloween<3
Anna
Lightheaded could be unrelated to your blood pressure too. Maybe your iron is getting low? Are you taking vitamins? If so maybe you should look into taking vitamins catered to the more "active" crowd. Also I have a couple friends that have developed virtigo throughout the years. That could be something you can look into to. If it keeps happening you might want to get some blood work done?!? Just some thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAs for the kids thing, there are always puppies right!?! Although I'm right there with you and the "not being financially ready." Rick is more on the "I'm not ready" part cause he's admitted that he's just plain selfish and doesn't want to give up the little thing in life that he enjoys that would not be as simple if a kid were in the mix. I on the other hand am not quite ready but I feel I soon will be.
I think it's a good thing that you want to enjoy the new you! You worked hard for it and deserve every minute of it. You are right, you are still pretty "young" and have time before making the decision for the next step. (Rick and I on the other hand...lol)