I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.

Lately I've been trying my best to eat well. I may not be 100% perfect all the time, but I'm way better than I was a few months ago. I have a way harder time trying to eat right than I do with exercise. I can workout all day long, no problem, but eating right is so difficult for me.

I've been making lots of protein shakes recently. Finally putting that blender to good use! I actually bought a different brand and flavor of protein powder than I usually do and it's great for making shakes! It's vanilla flavor so I can mix it with pretty much any fruit and it tastes good. It's lower on calories (100 cals per 2 scoops) which in turn makes it less protein, but that's ok. I'm seeing how it works out. So far, so good!

I've been getting slightly frustrated, mostly with myself. I hate how good I can be outside of work, but then the second I walk into the firehouse it's like all my good habits go out the door. I eat pretty horrible at work. Granted, the meals are a lot healthier now, but when Eddie and I are on the ambulance, we just eat a ton of candy all day! I love candy. All types. Sweet, sugary, chocolatey CANDY!! It's my biggest weakness. I really, really need to work on my will power when I'm at work.

I've actually been cooking "real meals" lately. The other night I cooked tuna, brussel sprouts and butternut squash! So proud of myself. It was really delicious! I need to do it more often.

My workouts have been awesome! I actually ran a few times this past week. At the lake and at the trail with Chief. He's actually great at running with me, I was really surprised. He doesn't go too fast and he stays right by my side. I definitely feel safe running with him:-)

Whenever I go to the gym I've been doing lots of strength training. I'm starting to feel so much stronger and I can see it more, too! I notice my arms are getting much more defined. It's awesome! I want to be so strong. Not manly, but just STRONG. I want to be able to do things most girls can't do. I want to feel like nothing is impossible for me!

But, I also want to look good. I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with all aspects of my body. Right now, I look at myself and I just feel... meh. Obviously I feel so much better than I used to. I wonder how I was able to even stand looking at myself before. I guess I kind of just got used to it and settled with it. I tried to dress to hide the fat and thought I didn't look too bad. But now, looking at old pictures of myself makes me sick. It's a good reminder to NEVER let myself get that way again.

I'm just not 100% happy with my looks, and maybe I never will be, but I want to work towards that 100%! I'm at least happy that I don't look like a tub of lard anymore!:-)

So, today is the 1 year anniversary of starting the academy! I can't believe how fast it went by, which makes me wonder how fast the next 19+ years will go by?! I want to have the best time throughout my career. I want to always love my job and always be happy to come to work. That's my goal for now:-)

I have a few races coming up! In May I'm doing 3 races! Hero Rush and 2 Color Runs. I'm excited! I haven't done a race in so long. I need to find some more to sign up for. I had wanted to do a lot of races last year, but didn't really have the time with being in the academy and all. Now I have lots of time, so I gotta start signing up. I'd like to do another half marathon this year, and eventually a full!

Well, I need to go work out. I'm just trying to decide where. I dunno why it's always a tough choice between LifeTime and station 30. I mean, LifeTime is amazing, but sometimes I just like working out alone at station 30. It's much more quiet and usually no one else is there so I feel comfortable doing all types of work outs, even if I look stupid doing it lol:-)

Off I go. Hopefully I can have something more interesting to write about next time. Thanks for reading!

Anna