So Long, 24

Be forewarned, I'm starting this blog off on a negative note. Despite it being my "birthday weekend," I can't say it was the best weekend I've had. My actual birthday was great. I spent it with my family. We went out to eat at Old Line Bistro and then had my favorite dessert, flan, back at the house. It was very nice. Friday was spent shopping and prepping for what I had hoped would be a great party. Everything was great. The food was awesome, the flowers were beautiful, the cupcakes were cute. Everything we put together was wonderful. My sister and I put a lot of effort into my party for what turned out to be a very small crowd.

I can't blame anyone, and I'm trying not to let it get me down so much, but I can't help it. I guess you just can't take people's word anymore. Whether it be on facebook, through text, or to your face... people don't seem to mean what they say anymore. I just can't help but to feel a little disappointed.

We made the best of it though. We enjoyed all the delicious food and cupcakes and the TONS of wine we had. The vodka gummies that Charlie made were a hit. The cupcakes were delicious! I wish we didn't have any left because I'm having a real tough time not eating all of them!

We got pretty lucky and the weather was nice during the first part of the day. By the time people started showing up though, it was getting a bit chilly! And crazily, it snowed today! Not cool at all. It's spring! There should not be any snow. But my mom always likes to remind me that it did snow when I was born, so I suppose it's acceptable. I still don't like it.

After the party, we went out to Looney's. It was ok. It was nice to see another group of friends there. I surprisingly did not drink as much as I usually do on my birthday. I managed to remember everything and not throw up or have to be carried anywhere. So it was a success I'd say. But the next day I did feel terrible, and it made me decide something... Alcohol Free April. Yup, you heard me right. I decided that for the month of April I will not drink ANY alcohol. None whatsoever. It may be hard, but I need to challenge myself and I need to see what kind of difference it will make.

So far for March I have worked out on all my days off, EXCEPT Sunday. I was just way too hungover. But, I won't lie... I really needed a break. I was still sore from my personal training session with Ryan and my group workout with Lt. Bussing. Both were extremely tough! I was just overly lazy on Sunday and I ate terrible. With the leftover cheese, crackers, spanakopita, and cupcakes... it's hard to resist!

For my birthday, Caitlin got me Jillian Michael's new DVD "Hard Body" I just did it tonight and it's pretty good! Lots of variety and a ton of new moves. It was nice to not do the same things that she always does in her other videos. In one 45 minute video, I burned 599 calories. Not bad at all! After finishing the video it made me realize that I definitely need heavier weights. I only have 5lb dumb bells and they are not enough now!

So after that weekend of being fat and drunk, it's time to start over. I really hate this feeling. It's hard for me not to get super depressed when I'm feeling fat. It's like a downward spiral. I feel and look fat and it just makes me want to gorge on a ton of food and lay in bed and be sad. But, I try my best to stay positive and realize that it's not the end of the world. I just SO need to get out of this slump. It's like getting so close to the prize that you can ALMOST taste it, then snatched away! Over and over and over again. I just need to get over this bump and feel like I'm finally making some progress. We shall see!

I go back to work tomorrow after a nice 7 days off. I guess it's not so bad. Just wish I was going back to my engine day instead of the ambo! Oh well... Hopefully it's a good day!

I'll keep you all updated on how my Alcohol Free April starts! Thanks for checking in:-)

Anna

I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul.

Lately I've been trying my best to eat well. I may not be 100% perfect all the time, but I'm way better than I was a few months ago. I have a way harder time trying to eat right than I do with exercise. I can workout all day long, no problem, but eating right is so difficult for me.

I've been making lots of protein shakes recently. Finally putting that blender to good use! I actually bought a different brand and flavor of protein powder than I usually do and it's great for making shakes! It's vanilla flavor so I can mix it with pretty much any fruit and it tastes good. It's lower on calories (100 cals per 2 scoops) which in turn makes it less protein, but that's ok. I'm seeing how it works out. So far, so good!

I've been getting slightly frustrated, mostly with myself. I hate how good I can be outside of work, but then the second I walk into the firehouse it's like all my good habits go out the door. I eat pretty horrible at work. Granted, the meals are a lot healthier now, but when Eddie and I are on the ambulance, we just eat a ton of candy all day! I love candy. All types. Sweet, sugary, chocolatey CANDY!! It's my biggest weakness. I really, really need to work on my will power when I'm at work.

I've actually been cooking "real meals" lately. The other night I cooked tuna, brussel sprouts and butternut squash! So proud of myself. It was really delicious! I need to do it more often.

My workouts have been awesome! I actually ran a few times this past week. At the lake and at the trail with Chief. He's actually great at running with me, I was really surprised. He doesn't go too fast and he stays right by my side. I definitely feel safe running with him:-)

Whenever I go to the gym I've been doing lots of strength training. I'm starting to feel so much stronger and I can see it more, too! I notice my arms are getting much more defined. It's awesome! I want to be so strong. Not manly, but just STRONG. I want to be able to do things most girls can't do. I want to feel like nothing is impossible for me!

But, I also want to look good. I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with all aspects of my body. Right now, I look at myself and I just feel... meh. Obviously I feel so much better than I used to. I wonder how I was able to even stand looking at myself before. I guess I kind of just got used to it and settled with it. I tried to dress to hide the fat and thought I didn't look too bad. But now, looking at old pictures of myself makes me sick. It's a good reminder to NEVER let myself get that way again.

I'm just not 100% happy with my looks, and maybe I never will be, but I want to work towards that 100%! I'm at least happy that I don't look like a tub of lard anymore!:-)

So, today is the 1 year anniversary of starting the academy! I can't believe how fast it went by, which makes me wonder how fast the next 19+ years will go by?! I want to have the best time throughout my career. I want to always love my job and always be happy to come to work. That's my goal for now:-)

I have a few races coming up! In May I'm doing 3 races! Hero Rush and 2 Color Runs. I'm excited! I haven't done a race in so long. I need to find some more to sign up for. I had wanted to do a lot of races last year, but didn't really have the time with being in the academy and all. Now I have lots of time, so I gotta start signing up. I'd like to do another half marathon this year, and eventually a full!

Well, I need to go work out. I'm just trying to decide where. I dunno why it's always a tough choice between LifeTime and station 30. I mean, LifeTime is amazing, but sometimes I just like working out alone at station 30. It's much more quiet and usually no one else is there so I feel comfortable doing all types of work outs, even if I look stupid doing it lol:-)

Off I go. Hopefully I can have something more interesting to write about next time. Thanks for reading!

Anna

Marching On

March... my favorite month of the year! If you don't know why, you might wanna do some research. Besides the obvious, there's lots of other cool things about this month. It's going to be spring, that I love! Although there is some crazy talk going around about snow. Snow? Nooooo. I hate snow! And it better not ruin my plans. 

My mom's birthday, St. Patrick's Day, and a class reunion for our 1 year anniversary are just a few of the activities planned for March. I can't believe it's going to be 1 year already. Seems like just yesterday we were all so nervous for our first day of the academy. We didn't know each other, we were scared and excited. And now things are so different. We all have experienced so much already. Some of us are finished with our rookie books, some are still in the process. Speaking of rookie books, I finished mine last night! I'm so happy to be done with it! It's not that I'm going to stop learning, but it just feels great to have that weight off my shoulders. Now I can work on the stuff that really counts... the hands on stuff!

Looking at my February calendar, I'm feeling pretty pleased. I only missed 3 days of working out that weren't because of work. Although one of the days was because I did OT and ran out of time to work out. Besides that, I was pretty dedicated, and it has paid off. I'm noticing a difference and I did lose weight! Here's a quick weigh in:

Previous Weight - 157.2 (11/8)

Current Weight -  156.2 (2/20)

Weight Lost - 1 Pound

It's not much, and it sure did take forever to lose it, but it's something. I struggle so much more now, but I won't give up. I think the challenge of trying to get to my goal weight is what keeps me going. It gives me something to keep working towards. Even if I'm not at the weight I want, I do notice that my body is starting to look much more toned and more strong. That's what's most important to me now, anyways... getting strong! And one huge indicator that I'm actually getting stronger is the fact that I can do pull ups now! I did 5 the other day. I was so happy! This is the first time I've ever been able to do them. Hard work does pay off:-)

My eating habits at home have been great. The meals at work are fantastic now that Bobby is dieting. The other day we had granola for breakfast!! Shocking, I know! But I'm so happy about it. Now if me and Eddie could just stop buying so much junk food throughout the shift then I might be able to lose some weight!:-P

Ahhh... yes, me in a bathing suit! A little scary, but I'm a tad happy with how I look in it. I just really wanted to be able to buy a bathing suit from Victoria's Secret, so I finally did! I love the color. Tiffany blue. It's all the rage, or so it seems. It's even cuter in person because it has a kind of crochet look to it. I'm pretty happy with my purchase:-)

So I haven't written in awhile and I felt like I had so much to talk about, but now I'm not really in the writing mood. I'm feeling pretty tired, actually. Last night had to be one of the busiest shifts ever. I tried to go to bed at 10:30PM and woke up 8 times after first laying down!!! 5 of those 8 times were after midnight. And NONE of those calls were legit. All BS!

Anyways, March is off to a good start so far. I'm feeling great, I've worked hard, and accomplished some pretty good stuff. I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I'm working on reaching all my goals. I can't complain:-)

Well, time to watch some Walking Dead! I'll holla atcha later, blog!

Thanks for reading:-)

Anna