Passions

Some people have one, some people have a few, and maybe some people even have none. Me? I have a few passions. I guess some could be considered more like goals. But those two words are pretty similar, anyways.

Ever since boxing with my personal trainer at the gym I've wanted to do it again. I got myself a pair of little "fighting" gloves. They aren't really legit boxing gloves, but they have gel in them to cushion your hands. Although you can see it obviously doesn't protect everything.

Yesterday I went to 30 and punched the bag for a long time! I was loving it! It's such an awesome way to relieve stress and take out your frustrations. Not only that, but if the time ever comes for me to fight, I will feel much more prepared. Even if it is just against some drunk Looney's girl that gets on my nerves... :-) So yes, I believe fighting/boxing is a new passion of mine.

Working out in general is my passion. I love the feeling you get during and after a work out. Out of breath, heart pounding so hard you can hear it in your ears, sweat dripping down your face and into your mouth... it's a rush! And after you work so hard, you get that amazing feeling of accomplishment afterwards. And that's the best part; the end! Most people never get to know that feeling because they give up long before that point. They just dwell on the fact that "Hey, this is difficult, it's uncomfortable, I can't breathe!" and all those other crappy feelings you can experience while working out, but if you can just get past that, you will understand the feeling of accomplishment.

Other small passions/hobbies of mine include running, shooting, photography, tattoos, and drinking hahaha! That last one is a joke, but I definitely do it often enough for it to be considered a hobby. Definitely not an addiction though, contrary to popular belief of some people!

Speaking of drinking, I went out last night. But, I was the DD. I did have a few drinks, but not many. And I stuck true to my word... I did not eat a single bite of food at the bar! I feel really good about that. I was able to wake up at 8:00am and go to station 30 to do the 9am workout with Lt. Bussing and other PGFD peeps. It was a good workout and then I did some bag work after that as well!:-)

The scale has not been changing much, but I have noticed changes in myself. I am getting strong. I can really tell the difference in my workouts. I've been doing a lot of bench pressing and I'm starting to get really good at it. I want to be a really strong girl. I want to be able to do my job just as well, if not better than any guy. I don't want people to help me with lifting things or pulling lines just because I'm a girl. I don't need special treatment! And I hate how some people assume that. I find it kind of funny!

I was thinking the other day how I wish holidays didn't revolve around food. I find myself eating terrible on pretty much any and every holiday. Thursday was Valentine's Day and I CRUSHED some chocolates! I can't even tell you how many I ate. Most people know I'm a sucker for sweets. I really, really am, and I hate that. I have self control when it comes down to a lot of things, but sweets? Can't seem to say no to them! I just have to dig really deep in myself and find a way to resist these temptations.

So this past week I did the "Adjunct Instructor School" at the academy and it was great! It was a great opportunity to brush up on skills that I haven't used since the academy. I also finally got to use the door prop to practice forcible entry and that was fun! It was really tough. Bobby and I did it together. I felt like I was doing pretty good at first, then it started to get kind of challenging and I sorta felt like a failure. We did finally get it open, but I wish I had done better.

The following day at work, I felt so much better about myself when Bobby said to me "Do you know how proud I was of you yesterday? You did so much better than all of those people there!" It was soooo nice to hear that! Almost made me a little misty eyed! It's not that my Officer is mean to me or anything like that, it's just really, really nice to get praised for doing a good job!:-) So happy!

Well, I'm off to run some long overdue errands. Pedicure and eyebrows!!! I so need both! Maybe I'll throw in a manicure since my hands are BEAT. They're starting to look like man hands!:-O

I'll write again soon! Thanks for reading:-)

Anna

Learning To Be Proud

I couldn't possibly be in a better mood to write a blog as I am now. I'm on the couch, wearing my Snuggie, Chief is on the floor next to me, I'm drinking tea, and listening to Pandora. This is the definition of "lazy day" in my book. Except, it hasn't been all that lazy. I woke up at 6am to go down to the Academy and take a class called "NFPA 1403: Conducting Live Fire" so now I can officially start fires for people in training. Woop! Kinda cool. Next week I am taking the 2 day course "Adjunct Instructor School" so that I can do more hands on teaching with future recruits and what not!

The class I took this morning was pretty cool. My Officer took it with me so that was nice. It was also kind of cool that we got the same score! Haha;)

I like that quote up there a lot! I think it's so true! I can really relate to it, considering I feel so much stronger and accomplished now than I ever have in my life. It's pretty cool being able to do things you never thought were possible. Not even just physical things, but social things as well. Having a confidence boost can really improve a lot of aspects of your life!

After I finished writing my last blog, Charlie and I went over to Annapolis Mall and shopped around. I fought off the urge to make a very big purchase, and instead I ended up with this cool new tea maker! I went to the store Teavana and the guy showed me all this stuff and gave me a sample of some tea. It was so good, I had to get it! I definitely plan on going back there again.

My eating habits have been great since then. I've been counting my calories regularly and making great choices. I feel a lot better and the scale is already showing some improvement, which brings me to the title of this blog. Pride. Being proud. Something I struggle with. Not really with other people, but mainly with myself. I can't seem to ever feel that proud of my accomplishments so far. I try to, and I think I am somewhat, but I still get those days where I can only feel like I'm disappointed. I guess I get nervous of being "over confident" or "cocky" by showing pride in myself. But, I am very proud of a few people in my life!

Recently, Charlie decided to start doing "Couch to 5k" which my long time readers know about. It's the same program I did when I first started losing weight. It's a program, in app form, or online, that slowly gets you into running. You increase your time/distance every week till eventually you can do a 5k, or at least close to it. He's already on week 5! I'm extremely proud of him for finally committing to something and not only that, but enjoying it! At least, it seems that when we he talks about it to me. I'm really happy that he's being really dedicated to it. He runs every shift and then every morning when he gets off work. I don't even have the discipline to do that! But that's mostly because we get crushed on the ambulance at night, and Howard County is slow;) Hehe, sorry Charlie!

Now, the other people that I'm very proud of are the guys on my shift! I'm actually slightly shocked. Two shifts ago they started a weight loss competition between 32 and 21, including the Battalion Chief. I didn't join in because I'm really not able to lose weight competitively anymore, so it didn't feel worth it to me. But! It is working out in my favor so far! Last shift, my Officer cooked healthy meals for all 3 meals of the day. Anyone that knows Bobby or has eaten his food, knows that it's not the healthiest. Every meal had to include meat, potatoes, cheese, butter, and bread. I found it extremely difficult to eat smaller portions there because the food was so amazing. But last shift... wow! I'm really proud of Bobby for being able to change his ways and cook us some healthy stuff. Him and John Michael have already lost weight! I'm really excited for them and I so hope that they can keep this up! Especially because I'm loving it!

Pictured to the right is my hand after a boxing session. It doesn't really do it justice. My knuckles were all red and bruised looking, and between those two fingers was a red bruise looking thing. It was so worth it though. I had never for real "boxed" in my life, but I was at the gym and my trainer just asked me out of nowhere if I wanted to try, so I agreed! It was a blast. And such a good workout! I was so tired. I can't wait to try it out again.

The last thing I wanted to talk about was my new challenge to myself. I decided to give myself a challenge and see if I can follow through and keep a promise to myself. So here it is...

I, Anna LaGrave, promise NOT to eat ANY food whilst out drinking, be it Looneys or any other bar. The only exception will be when the occasion is specifically deemed "Dinner and drinks" in which case I may eat, but intend to make a healthy choice.
I shall continue this challenge until my birthday, March 21st. The consequences of my failure to follow the rules has yet to be determined.

Signed,
Anna LaGrave

There you have it. From here on out, no more drunk bar food, no pizza, no McDonalds, not even food when I get home from the bar. Nothing. I will, however, eat a good meal prior to going out to avoid the possibility of becoming highly intoxicated from having nothing to eat.

Ok, now I am starting to feel that a nap is in order until it's gym time! Have a happy Friday, everyone!

Anna

Endless Abyss

Good morning! I hope everyone had as good of a week/weekend as I did! It's been interesting and busy! I did lots of fun stuff which is cool, but what's not cool is that everything "fun" I do seems to involve food. I mean, you all know that I can't seem to have drinks without following it up with a pizza. I feel like one of those people that says "I just can't have a drink in my hand without a cigarette in the other hand." Which I think is dumb, but that's how I am with food. When I drink I just get this insatiable hunger. I'm like a bottomless pit that needs greasy, yummy, and totally bad for you food to fill it up! So needless to say, in the food department, this week wasn't so great.

So you may be wondering why there is a picture of an awesome salad to the left. Well, that's how my week STARTED. I was doing so well. Went to Trader Joe's and got tons of good stuff. It really does help me to eat better when my fridge is packed with healthy options. Maybe if I just locked myself in the house and didn't go out anymore, I could avoid these temptations! But alas, I love going out and having fun, so I will just need to figure out a way to deal with that!

January 30th was Chief's 5th birthday! We just made the day we got him, his birthday. Since he was already 1 when we adopted him, and he was a rescue, we don't really know when his real birthday is. We spoiled him. Got him some really cute treats and a couple new toys. He was really happy! I can't believe he's getting so old. It makes me sad because the life span of a Great Dane is not very long. They say 7-10 years, but I've heard of ones living longer. I just hope that Chief can stay with us for a long time! I love him too much for him to leave me any time soon.

So this past week was kind of "sportsy" for me. As most people know, I'm not a huge fan when it comes to ANY kind of sport. I don't have a favorite team, or a sport that I enjoy watching on tv or in person. I just really dislike the way people act about sports. Claiming a team as "their" team, like they own them. Or the fact that some people get way too into it, and when "their" team loses, they go insane! People get all mad and depressed about it. So lame. Just get over it! But, with that being said, I actually watched a Hockey game and a Football game this week! I know... I feel kind of guilty too:-/

My friend Allison and I went out to Looney's Thursday night and had some drinks, then we headed over to Wells Ice Rink and watched the PGFD vs. DCFD game. I know a lot of people from both teams, but if I had to choose, I guess I was rooting for PGFD, considering I work for them! Too bad they lost! 6-2. Womp womp. After the game we went back to Looney's and it was crazy! It was 90's night which was EPIC. Nsync, O-town, Spice Girls, TLC!!! Amazing. I had a blast! Danced the night away. I'm sure I looked ridiculous as always, but whatevs!

Last night I went out to Baltimore City for the Ravens game. It was my first time ever watching a WHOLE football game and focusing on it. I won't lie, I got into it a TINY bit. But you can't deny that it was an intense game. Very suspenseful. I'm glad they won for my sake. I would not want to be surrounded by a mob of angry Ravens fans. Although everyone was acting cray and climbing street signs and trees. It was packed in the streets and FREEZING. I really need to learn how to dress for cold weather:-[

Although this was a very fun week, it was also depressing at times. Seeing the scale go up and down and up and down. It's just so frustrating. Some days I just tell me self not to eat anything because I feel so fat. I know that's not the right thing to do, but it's the only thing that will make me feel better about myself sometimes.

I'm just soooo annoyed with how I can't lose weight. I feel like I'm doing exactly what I did before, but it's not working. I just would love to at least get back to 150, since I've been there before! Why is it so hard to lose 7 pounds? Just SEVEN! It's not that much, yet it would make a world of a difference to me. It's insane how I can tell if I ate too much just by the way my clothes fit. And that's what bothers me the most is looking at myself in the mirror and seeing fat. I just would love to look at my body and love it. Yes, it is way better than it was before, but it's not what I want. I have so many imperfections that annoy me. And anyone who tries to tell me otherwise... you haven't seen me naked! So there.

I guess I just really need to start doing some insane workouts and cracking down on my eating like MAJORLY. What I'm doing now apparently just isn't enough! What I'm really hoping is that when it gets nice out, I can really start getting back into my running, which is my favorite thing and I think it's what helps me the most. So even though I seem like such a debbie downer, I'm TRYING to be hopeful that things will get better. I know I need to work on my attitude towards my body and what not, but it's just difficult. I'm a real picky person and I guess I just have this image in my mind of what I want to look like and that's what I will work my way towards achieving!

My January calendar was NOT what I wanted it to be. I had intended on starting the year off right, instead, I was sick! But, as soon as I got back from NOLA, I did my best to get back into it. I worked out every day I was off except the 28th. I think I wasn't feeling well or something. Anyways, February is going to look much, much better!! My goal, for now, is to get to 150 by my birthday, March 21st.

Ok, enough whining for today! I gotta go run some errands and what not, then I'm heading to the gym tonight. I'm gonna try to update more frequently, promise:-) Thanks for stopping by!

Anna