For those who have just recently started reading this blog and don't know the back story, it all started like this...
Back in January 2011 I was working at Children's Hospital in the NICU. I was 22 years old, a newly wed and happy as could be. Besides being overweight, I really had no complaints with my life. I was content... ugh, that word makes me cringe now.
Well one day a few of the girls had the idea to do our own version of "The Biggest Loser" where we would have teams of 5-6 people and each person would pay $50 to start and $2 at every weigh in which would occur once a week. The pot would be split two ways. Half to the team who lost the biggest percentage of weight and the other half to the individual who lost the biggest percentage.
The competition was over a 12 week period. Lots of people joined so our money pot became quite large.
At first I didn't really have high hopes because I had attempted losing weight before and never had much luck. But throw competition in there and I get serious. I love to win and I hate to lose so I was going pretty hardcore.
Looking back at it, I'm so surprised I was able to lose the amount of weight I did with the tiny bit of knowledge I had. All I did was download the app "MyFitnessPal" and track my calories. My exercise consisted of walking and "attempting" to do Jillian Michael's workout DVDs. It's crazy to think that I couldn't even finish some of the 30 minute DVD's back then and now I can do 70 minute Insanity DVD's! Hah!
Well, long story short, I started to see progress week after week after week. The results were amazing and kept me going. At the end of 12 weeks, not only did our team win the biggest percentage of weight lost but *I* lost the biggest percentage as well!!! Winning that competition felt great. But the real amazing feeling was the fact that in 3 months I had lost 30 pounds!! I was on top of the world and whatever I was doing was working, so I kept it going!
All awesome except maybe the boobs. That's a bummer! But hey, I will sacrifice those puppies all day if it means having a slimmer, healthier body!
Over the months and years I started to become more knowledgeable about health and fitness. It became more about being "fit" rather than being "skinny." I went from 149lbs at my lowest to a comfortable 155lbs. That's what I tend to float around up to this day. I started to build muscles that I never had before. I could actually see these weird shaped things coming out of my stomach... I think they're called "abs?"
Once I started to lift, it was like my life was starting all over again. All I had known about fitness had changed. And it continues to change! The amount of knowledge I have soaked up over the years is crazy. One fitness expert tells you this, another one tells you that. I went from eating Lean Cuisines and sugar free Jell-O cups to prepping a weeks worth of meals. I have all these things constantly going through my head like "What should my macros be? Did I eat too many carbs today? Is my protein enough to build muscle? Is today leg day?" Sometimes it almost becomes overwhelming!
After being hired for some time, I was asked if I wanted to help out with the CPAT process. Of course I said 'yes!'
The CPAT process is my favorite time of the year! I absolutely love it and the motivation it gives me. We do fitness conditioning sessions on Monday and Wednesday evenings which basically is an hour workout for the potential recruits. It helps to prepare to candidates to actually take the CPAT test. It really makes me happy to see the people who show up and how much they dedicate themselves to getting hired by this department.
It really shows your character when you show up to EVERY session and really give it 100% Those are the kind of people who inspire ME and keep ME motivated! Whenever I run the workouts and see them trying their hardest it just pushes me even more. Obviously I can't tell them to do 50 pushups if I myself can't even do 50! So it really helps me to stay in better shape. Not to mention I usually do my own workout on top of whatever I do with the candidates.
That's all fine and dandy, but what I'm concerned about is my crew and their safety. I don't want to be their "weakest link." I want to know in my head and my heart that if ANYONE on my crew were to go down and relied on me to get them out, that I could do it without a second thought.
And that's what I try to keep in mind at all times. The days when I'm hating what I see in the mirror. The times that I feel like "the big girl," when I compare myself to skinny girls who can wear super cute clothes that I would never be able to pull off... I just have to tell myself that it's not all about that Anna. It's about being STRONG.
I will continue to run, but I'll just have to cut back on the miles or just start walking when I start to feel the pain. It sucks, but hey, I guess that's what getting old is right? Haha.
I'm glad I was able to get in the amount of races I did back in my prime. I still remember my first 5k and how proud of myself I was for finishing it. Even though it took me 38 minutes and I had to walk justtttt a little bit at the end! I couldn't have been happier to accomplish something I thought would never be a possibility to me!
That's the crazy thing about a lot of the things I do in life now... At one point in time I considered them "impossible."
It's so sad that myself and so many others out there gave or give themselves limits! I look back and I can't believe I would tell myself "You'll never be able to do that. Oh, that'll never happen. You're way too fat to do that." It's really such a shame. It makes me so angry that such a big part of my life was wasted on complacency and doubting myself. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change myself earlier, but like I always say, I regret nothing because I love where I'm at now, and if it wasn't for my past, the good and the bad, I wouldn't be where I am now.
Even to this day I've said things like "I'll never be able to get a flat stomach." But why not? I should never say never! It's always a possibility if I work hard enough at it. And I will. I've got so much determination in me right now, it's insane. I spent the end of 2014 having a war with myself in my head. Looking at myself in the mirror thinking how fat I look. Telling myself I'll do better tomorrow. Trying to do better tomorrow and just pretending that the things I'm doing are okay and that I worked out enough to eat this or that.
The fact of the matter is I was lying to myself. Acting like the giant heaping spoonful of peanut butter was "a tablespoon" or like the 5 pieces of chocolate I ate just didn't count. I like to log my food religiously but I was definitely bad with not adding those little snacks here in there that eventually add up to way more than you think. So I finally had to say enough is enough and just be honest with myself!
I think that that's probably the number one step people need to do before they start any type of lifestyle change. It starts with the mental aspect; your attitude and your outlook towards the process. If you're stubborn and not willing to change then it will not work out for you. You have to be ready to deal with the feeling of hunger, the feeling of deprivation, the feeling of being knocked down and not wanting to get up, but doing it anyways.
Starting a fitness journey is a big kick in the balls/vag whatever you may have. It's a smack in the face. A big FAT reality check! You may think you've been "eating pretty healthy" and "working out some" but once you really dedicate your life to it, it's a real eye opener how much you've been slacking your whole life. Sweating to death, feeling out of breath, fat jiggling and shaking the whole house. It's embarrassing and probably one of the reasons people give up so fast. They don't want people to see them in that state. They're afraid. And I totally understand because I sure as hell was too. That's why I only walked (no jiggling) and did workout videos in the safety of my own home. And when I did finally start running I strictly ran at night! Haha.
Maybe one day I'll look back and wonder why I put so much effort into my body. But I highly doubt that. You only have one body. And it's like a piece of clay. You can mold it any way you want. You can treat it like trash or you can cherish it and make the most of it. I don't want to waste any more days NOT taking full advantage of what my body is capable of. I know I can be SO much better than what I am now and I will.
It may take some time, but I will get there.
So what are you waiting for? Monday? Until after the Holidays? Pay day? Are you "too old" to start? Too scared? Are you waiting for some kind of epiphany? Just ask yourself "why not?" and if you don't have a good excuse then start NOW. I'm so glad I made the decision to change my life the way I did. No matter how many bumps I've hit along the way, nothing will ever hold me back from reaching my goals and making my dreams come true.
Well, I suppose that's enough motivational speechyness for me! My overtime is done and I'm off for a late night workout!
Goodnight!
Anna
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