Confessions of a Reformed Fat Girl

Ok, so I've been having some bad days this past week. I feel like I'm waiting for a break or something. A period of time where I just don't mess up, I eat perfect, I have epic workouts, and I don't go on my drunken binges. I've been struggling with that a lot lately. Am I alone in that category? I wonder if anyone else is like me when I drink. I literally become a world record eating champion. Let me tell you what I ate Friday night. This is so embarrassing, but I'm just gonna put it all out there because it'll make me feel better.
As usual, my day started out fine. Had a great workout, ate good food and felt pretty prepared for the concert that night. The fact that I burn so many calories makes me feel like I have a little room to splurge, but I always take it way too far.

We went to Union Jack's first and I had 2 margaritas and a vodka/soda/lime. I also had 8 wings. Then we headed over to Merriweather and before we sat down I got a shaved ice, blue flavor, of course. I started drinking more margaritas, which were 13 bucks by the way! Ridiculous, but they were strong! I then wanted a hot dog, so I got that, then a little later I got some boardwalk fries. When we went to leave, I saw an ice cream stand and that is my ultimate weakness. I got "Salted caramel crunch" ice cream on a pretzel cone!!! Oh. Em. Gee. Amazing ice cream!!

We left and Charlie wanted to go to Oliver's so we stopped by there for a little bit. I have no clue why, but I ordered a quesadilla. Ate that, then it was my bright idea to go to 7-11 on the way back home. I got a little thing of twix ice cream, and an El Salvadorian quesadilla, which is basically like a sweet corn bread.... ughhhh! WTF is wrong with me?? I mean, that's like 4,000 calories. I definitely didn't workout enough to eat all of that. So depressing:-(

I feel like I have to tell people this stuff sometimes because a lot of people seem to think I'm "perfect" for some reason. Like I'm a workout maniac who eats amazingly and has an awesome bod. No way. That's why I posted that picture up there. It's obvious that I am not perfect, or thin, or skinny in any way. Yeah, I do workout a ton, but I can't seem to get past this certain point because of the way I eat. I would love to have a flat stomach and ripped abs. But that actually comes from a strict diet, not just crunches and sit ups.

To the right is a beautiful body, in my opinion. She's not too small, she has curves in all the right places, and her stomach is flat. And of course the tattoos are hot! I would love to look like that! Even if it never happens, at least it gives me something to work towards. The dissatisfaction I have with my body is what keeps me going. If I had the body of my dreams, I may not workout as hard as I do now.

I really do love and appreciate when people tell me how pretty I am, or when I somehow get compared to another girl that is way hotter than me, it definitely gives me a confident boost. But that fat girl part of me can never seem to take a compliment! I'm just always in denial.

So enough about me being all blah. I need to find better stuff to talk about! My blogs used to be more interesting, now they're just a lot of whining. Typical me! Well, yesterday and Friday were really fun. Friday night Charlie and I went to Imagine Dragons at Merriweather, then yesterday Rayna and I went to Virgin Mobile Freefest. It was a blast, except for the rain! It started raining around 5pm and just made things suck. It was cold and muddy and really cramped with all the umbrellas floating around.

I mostly wanted to see City and Colour, MGMT and Robin Thicke. We got to be in the pit for City and Colour and they were great! It would've been nice to stay in there for MGMT but they make you leave the pit and come back, so once we got outside of the pavilion, it was impossible to get back in. That's right when it started raining too, so of course everyone wanted to get under the pavilion.

We decided to go over to the West Stage and find a good spot for Robin Thicke. It sucked standing in the rain for so long, but finally he came on stage and it was awesome! He put on a very good show!

We decided to leave right after he finished because we were just miserable. We walked to the closest firehouse and that's where Charlie picked us up. I'm surprised I didn't get pneumonia or something! I was so excited to get home and under the covers:-)

Since I knew I would feel crappy today, I decided to take off work. Its weird not being there when I'm supposed to! But it is nice to have a little break. Besides, I'm working tomorrow now anyways, gotta keep workin that OT! I'm also doing another burn with the recruits on Tuesday. And then, Wednesday... Iron Team! I'm starting to get soooo nervous!! I felt prepared up until they revealed one of the mystery events, which is tossing an empty keg over a VERY tall fence, then climbing the fence into the next box and doing it again for a total of 5 tosses/climbs. I've practiced it a little, but it's really tough! I'm just hoping I have tons of adrenaline that day and I can get through everything in a decent time.

Alright, it's 10:30am and I feel like I should start being productive. Not sure what I want to do today, maybe run? Maybe the gym? Or both! I've been getting back into running a lot lately and that makes me happy:-) I can easily do 6.5 miles and my knee hasn't bothered me yet! I hope it stays that way.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day and a productive week!

Anna