A Little Late...

But hey, I've been busy... sorta.
I actually meant to post a picture of this on my last blog but I was too lazy to go downstairs and take a picture of it. I'd say it was a decent month. Missed some days most likely because of being hungover and then obviously because of work.

I did a lot of running, a few gym seshes and a few Jillian videos. Nothing burned any super crazy amounts of calories though. I'm working on that this month! I have definitely started increasing my mileage recently. I had forgotten that I kind of like running in the cold. It sucks at first, but once you warm up it gets more comfortable and the cold air starts to feel good on your hot skin.

I'm actually thinking about doing a 5k the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It's right by my house, so I figure, why not? I feel so guilty for barely doing any races this year. I wanted to beat last years number but not even close:-( Oh well, next year I will try! And I also think I'm going to do another half marathon next year. Haven't decided which one yet!

I'm so thankful that I was able to fall in love with running again. That has been one of my biggest accomplishments recently. I was really starting to feel like a failure for not being able to run anymore, but luckily I got my groove back:-)

I never thought I'd be writing about this, honestly. I told myself I'd never gain any weight back, but now I realize what people are saying when they talk about "maintaining" being harder than actually losing the weight. It SO is. It's so frustrating to go from feeling like the weight is just melting off you, to having to workout like a maniac and eat perfect just to drop 1 pound. I guess my tactics for losing weight before just aren't working the same anymore. I'm just not sure what I can do differently to lose weight!

You would think that after all that whining about not losing weight, that I wouldn't have a weigh in, but I do! Yay, how exciting! Granted, I'm a little behind on posting this weigh in, I have at least stayed the same weight since then. I guess this is just going to be a slow process the second time around. Here's the weigh in...

Previous Weight - 159.8 (10/11)

Current Weight - 157.2 (11/8)

Weight Lost - 2.6 Pounds

So basically a month to lose 2.6 pounds. That's soooo slow but I'll take it! It's better than nothing.

Here's a recent picture of me. We had beautiful weather the other day and I was actually able to wear this outside and play tennis! It was great!:-) I'm pretty satisfied with how I look although I am starting to run into the same issue I was having when I got to my lowest weight: my stomach.

I feel like I look decently skinny everywhere except my stomach. I guess I was just so fat that it really stretched out my stomach and most likely it will never go back to normal. It's super ugly and I hate it. I feel like I will never be fully happy with my body. I guess I will just have to deal with it, or get a tummy tuck lol... yeah right, maybe if I win the lottery!

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is next week! That's gonna be a bad day. I will not hold back one bit! lol. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I can't help it, I love to eat! And this will be my first Thanksgiving at 32. It will be my first Thanksgiving ever NOT spent with my family but I am totally okay with that. I'm excited to spend it with my fire department family:-) It's going to be a huge feast! Can't wait!

So yesterday I worked, but I was detailed to station 806 which is in the Largo/Landover area. It was by far the best detail I've done! The crew was great, the station is AMAZING, and the call volume was low. I just had a great time with the guys there. We played Foosball and Spades, and ate red velvet cake! It was sweet. Their station is so high tech, it's crazy! The best part was probably sleeping all night lol:-) Even though I slept all night, I still came home and went back to sleep until 1pm! What is wrong with me? I guess I just love sleep!;-)

Ok, time for me to get off the couch and do something productive. It looks kind of nice outside, so maybe I will go for a run! My next blog better have a kick-a** weigh in!!:-P

Toodles,
Anna

Where Has The Time Gone?

It's November 1st already, WTF?! This year has gone by so incredibly fast, it's ridiculous. Feels like just yesterday I was starting the academy, now I've been out in the field for almost 5 months. That shit cray!

Anyways, I'm really just writing this blog because I feel neglectful. Unfortunately, I do not have a loss to report. I suppose with the trip to Atlantic City for our anniversary, the constant partying, and being a little sick, I really haven't been doing my best. I've just been hovering around the same weight this whole time. It sucks because I know that I can get down lower than this, it's just taking so much longer this go around!

You may be wondering what the deal with the snake is. Well, this past week was crazy with hurricane Sandy making her way through Sunday-Tuesday. Sunday night while preparing, Charlie had brought in some tarps from the shed. Well, apparently something came in with those tarps... I'm upstairs watching TV and Charlie yells for me to come downstairs. I run down there and he says "There's a snake down here!" I thought he was joking, but there really was! This cute, tiny little baby snake! I didn't hesitate at all to pick it up. He was nice. I don't think it could bite me even if it wanted to! He was so soft and cute!:-) I wanted to keep him! But alas, Charlie made me let him go outside:-(

Back to Sandy... Charlie and I both had to work on Monday, so that kinda sucked. Surprisingly, our power went out Sunday night! Before things were even that bad. It was only off for about 3 hours though, then it came back on. We dropped Chief off at his Grandparents house and prepared for work. I decided to go in an hour earlier than I usually do, so I woke up at 3:15. Yikes. That wasn't fun. My drive into work was fine though, just a little rainy. Unfortunately, I was detailed that day to station 30. Weirdly enough, it ended up being SUPER slow! We only ran 7 ambulance calls total, transporting only 4 times. I almost slept the whole night! So all in all, not a bad detail.

Charlie came home to find our neighbors tree in our yard. It just clipped the gutter! I'm so glad it did not fall on our house! That would have been bad! They got it cleaned up early and the only thing left is the broken fence, which is not ours, so not my problem;-)

The storm wasn't as bad as it could have been, our way at least. Other places got it really bad and it looks pretty terrible. I'm so glad that my Grandma just moved from Ocean City to Berlin! Perfect timing.

Halloween was yesterday and it did not feel like it at all. It's just not the same as when you're little! I miss the good old days where I would be so excited for Halloween. The whole day would be spent preparing for trick-or-treating. It was such a big deal to me. I loved going around town with my family and trying to get a ton of candy. I wanna go back to that! Now I pass out the candy to the kids and I feel so old. Also, kids suck these days. We maybe had like 8 groups of kids, and they barely tried to dress up, it's such a shame. I wanted to yell at them, but whatever. It was still a pretty fun Halloween.

The 27th was Bobby and Laura's annual Halloween party. This year Charlie and I dressed up as Sugar Skulls. I thought our costumes were pretty awesome! They took a lot of time to put together, especially the makeup! But it paid off, we ended up winning "Best Makeup" category! Yay! We also got lots of votes for all the other categories. I was close for "Sexiest" and "Scariest" haha:-)

We got this cool shaker for our prize! Love it:-) It was a fun time and everyone's costumes were really cool and funny. Already planning for next year!

Last night I went out to Looney's in College Park to meet up with some of my PGFD friends. It was definitely a good time. It was packed! Lot's of people were dressed up in pretty good costumes. I didn't dress up but I did wear one of my white out contacts, and that got some stares! It was a great night:-) I go back for round 3 on Saturday lol. My life is so tough!

So, I recently added a new station to my Pandora and it had to be the best decision I ever made. It's played so many new songs I've never heard, but love! I feel like an emo/hipster music person now, but hey, I can't help it!

The station I added was "Heartbeats - The Knife" and now, for random entertainment, I will tell you some of my new top favorite songs! In no particular order...

The Knife - Heartbeats (obviously)
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - Home
Discovery - Swing Tree
Iron and Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth
Iron and Wine - Upward Over The Mountain
Lykke Li - Little Bit
Tim McMorris - Overwhelmed

I love them! All fabulous songs that are so easy to listen to. My favorite is probably "Overwhelmed" because it is such a sweet song. I wish someone would sing that to me! It's beautiful.

Currently I'm being a loser and watching my "shows." It starts at 6:00PM with Family Feud, then Jeopardy, then Wheel of Fortune. I know, what am I, like a single lonely 30 year old? lol just kidding. I just enjoy those shows. Jeopardy makes me feel like I'm kind of learning something, and I'm actually decent at Wheel! I would so go on that show and totally win!

Well, I will get back to my shows now, and then get ready for bed. I have to work tomorrow. Happy to be at 32:-) I better have a weight loss next time I update this joint!! Thanks for stopping by:-)

Yours truly,

Anna

Moody

Good morning peeps! I'm feeling awfully cheery today, which is surprising because as the title says, I've been a tad "moody" lately, or so says the people around me. I guess I can agree a little bit.

To be honest, I wonder if it has to do with my thyroid medication. I ran out last week and wasn't able to get any until I made a doctor's appointment, so I was off that for a little over a week. I just took my first pill today. It couldn't take effect that fast, could it? I doubt it, but who knows. Regardless, I suppose I'll try to be more "happy" since everyone keeps calling me grumpy, depressed, moody, etc. etc.

Anyways, as you can see, I just put up my September calendar. It looks pretty decent if I do say so myself. I missed 7 days of working out, which was mostly because of days at work. Only 1 day was because I got off work then got a tattoo at 1pm so I didn't feel like working out before or after. Other than that, not too bad.

Wow, looking at that, I just realized that I only went to the gym once! And it was for a kickboxing class with Caitlin and Sam. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing... I have just been running so much lately. I feel like I need to take advantage of this running mood I'm in, so I never pass up the opportunity. And the weather has been perfect for running, too. I'll probably go to the gym more once it gets really cold outside.

Last Saturday, October 6th, was my parents' 33rd anniversary. The whole family went out to Ruby Tuesday's to celebrate. It was nice to see everyone at the same time. I feel pretty fortunate to have a family that all lives fairly close to each other, and we all get along really well. I hope to stay close with my parents and siblings for life.

I've been eating pretty well this past week. I only ever eat one serving of food at work now, and I try to keep it small, so I have that under control. I usually don't eat Oreo's at Southern MD hospital anymore, just bananas. The only struggle is when my co-workers want to get apple pie and ice cream for dessert... that's hard to resist!

Speaking of work, I got my new shield in the mail the other day. I did overtime at my station on C shift and was able to put it on then, with the help of a certain someone:-) I can't wait to break it in and get it nice and salty;-)

Tomorrow is Saturday and I work. It's always a bummer to work on the weekend, but oh well. After tomorrow, I work Wednesday and then I'm off for 7 days straight! I'm so excited! This will be my first real vacation since starting the academy back in March. Charlie and I are going to Atlantic City on the 19th and staying till the 21st for our 2 year anniversary. Our friends Caitlin, Tim, Sam, and David will be joining us on the second night, so that'll be fun! I've never been there so it's gonna be new for me:-) I gotta make sure not to eat TOO bad. There's going to be a lot of temptation, but I'm just going to splurge a lot on our anniversary dinner, then hopefully be good the rest of the time... hopefully.

I actually started this blog yesterday and just never got around to finishing it. I've decided that instead of doing "weekly" weigh ins, I'm pretty much just going to do a weigh in when I have good news to report! Because honestly, I really don't feel like putting every little fluctuation in my weight on here. I think that'll work:-) So here's my latest weigh in...

Previous Weight - 162.0 (9/29)

Current Weight - 159.8 (10/11)

Weight Lost - 2.2 Pounds

Officially in the 150's!!! Woohoo! I'm getting so close to my lowest weight, which was 149. I hope I can get there soon:-)

Anyways, I really don't have much else to say. Hopefully my next blog will be more interesting!

Have a great day:-)

Anna

It's Been Awhile

This is my life

Its not what it was before

All these feelings I've shared

And these are my dreams

That I'd never lived before

Somebody shake me

Cause I 

I must be sleeping

Can anyone tell the theme I have going for this blog so far? Well, I heard that song in the car the other day on my way to work and although I've heard that song so many times, and it's by one of my favorite bands, I had never really paid attention to the lyrics that much until that morning. The first verse mainly hit home with me, but the whole song is really fitting for me. I mean, that is truly how I feel sometimes. Like, am I dreaming? Is my life really like this? Sometimes it just feels too good to be true.

To be working for the fire department was first out of the question completely, then it became a distant dream that was most likely out of my reach, and one day it become so close I could taste it and now... it's mine. I'm livin the dream and it feels so good!

Speaking of work, it has been amazing the past two shifts. First, let me say that I do not get joy from other peoples property and belongings being ruined by fire. People seem to think that about most firefighters. That we like the fact that someones lives were just ruined. Wrong. It's not about that. It's about the excitement of the job. The thrill of hearing the 3 beeps go out, running to the fire truck or engine, anticipating what you will see when you arrive on the scene, getting out to see something like a house totally engulfed by fire and knowing that you get to go in there and try to put it out. There's no other feeling like it. Some people might find that crazy, but I'm not scared to do my job. It's the best job in the world.

We've had a house fire my past two shifts so it's been a real good learning experience for me. Even though I volunteered for 8 years before getting hired, this is my first time doing actual fire fighting things. So even the littlest of fires are cool to me. I've been at 32 for 3 months now and it's been an amazing experience so far. It's a pretty busy station. We run a lot of ambulance calls throughout the day. And a decent amount of fire calls. But things seem to be picking up here lately. I'm excited to see what the next shift brings.

After I got off work yesterday morning I went to visit the crash site of the Trooper 2 helicopter. It was 4 years ago that day. I visited last year, and I plan on visiting every anniversary from now on. I went on the call that night and it was one of the saddest incidents I've been to. I've been to many calls where people lose their lives, but to lose the lives of 2 troopers, 1 EMT and 1 civilian is just devastating. To die in a helicopter crash? I can't imagine how scary it must have been for all of them. It just saddens me so much. So that is why I go visit and will continue to.

I got home around 10am yesterday and tried to take a quick nap before my tattoo appointment at 1pm. I kinda hoped I could fall asleep during the tattoo since I was so tired, but no luck. It wasn't terrible, I'd say. I seem to do best if I just lay with my head down and not talk. I try to get "in the zone" so it doesn't hurt as much. I wish there was a magic trick to make tattoos not hurt, but there's not. And I'd like to think I have a decent pain tolerance, but who knows. One thing is, no matter how many tattoos you get, the pain never gets better!

This one was only about 3 hours though, so it wasn't too bad. I love it. Dee always gives me exactly what I want. It's like she can read my mind and draws up just what I was thinking. She's the best:-) I can't wait to add the color and then get started on the top and the other side. It's going to be awhile, but I will eventually fill in my whole back! I'm committed.

Here's a current picture of me. It's meh. I'm definitely not where I want to be, but I can see some improvement. This past 1.5 weeks has been a bit of a struggle. After going out Friday night, it took awhile to recover. It's ridiculous how one night of drinking and eating something bad can mess you up for AWHILE. It's so unfair. It makes me feel like I can never have a fun night without paying the consequences. Like, why does my body have to be so sensitive to foods? I know people who eat McDonald's every day and it does nothing to them. If I had 1 McNugget I'd gain 5 pounds. So frustrating.

I try not to let one bad day get to me though. I have to straighten up the next day and get right back into it. Even if I want to eat my favorite hangover Chinese food, or skip working out, I can't. I have to be good and get back on track otherwise I'll start going down the wrong path again. That's how most people end up quitting their diets, because they have one bad day, so they figure why not be bad the next day, then the next, then what's the point, I had three bad days so why even bother? I will not let that happen to me.

Well, even though It's been more than a week since my last weigh in, I'll still do it. It should be better than this, but yeah... the drinking:-(

Previous Weight - 163.2 (9/17)

Current Weight - 162.0 (9/29)

Weight Lost - 1.2 Pounds

I hope that between now and my next weigh in, I can get under 160. That would make me so, so happy! Luckily it's Saturday and I have no plans of going out drinking, and I didn't go out Friday night, so at least I have this weekend out of the way. It looks like it's beautiful out so I think I will go for a nice run. The question is, where at? I'm always searching for new places to run. If anyone has any suggestions, leave me a comment (on here or on facebook.)

Well, I suppose that's all I got for now. I'll try to update a week from now with hopefully some good news!

Thanks for reading:-)

Anna

Breaking The Habit

Happy Monday morning!
It's happy for me because I don't have to work or go to school like the majority of people in this world. Ahh, the life of shift work:-)

Today is my second day off, so basically it's like my Saturday night, except I won't be going to the bar and getting wasted on a Monday night. Speaking of bars and getting wasted... Now that I've been trying to eat better, I've definitely cut back on the alcohol consumption. My problem with drinking is not only do I like the worst drinks, nutrition wise, but I also eat like a pig when I drink. I need a shirt that says "Friends don't let friends drink and eat" for real! I need to stop drinking Margaritas. I think once the summer is officially over, I won't be in such a Marg mood anymore. I hope.

Pictured to the right is yours truly, moi. Ok, I'm not obsessed with taking pictures of myself or anything like that, I was just taking a picture of my new headband... or trying to at least. You can't really see it:-( It's cute though, and actually stays in place which is what I look for in most headbands. I took that picture after my fabulous run yesterday. Yes, fabulous and run can be in the same sentence! For me anyways:-)

I decided to go to lake Artemesia yesterday for my run. I have been passing on the gym a lot recently. Now that I got my running groove back, I just can't pass up a good run. Plus, the weather is absolutely perfect running weather right now! By the way, I just looked up "Artemesia" and Google tells me it means "Perfect." I'd say yesterday was a perfect run. I didn't really want to do laps around the lake, so I decided to take the path that leaves the lake and goes by the College Park Airport and over to Riverdale Park. It had been so long since I took that way that I kind of forgot where to go after that. Once I made it to Riverdale, I stopped to look at a map and decide where to go next. I ended up going out to River Road, took that to Paint Branch Parkway, passed MFRI, then made a right onto the path and ended up back at the lake. Once I looked at my RunKeeper app and realized I was pretty close to 10k, I decided to take a half lap around the lake, then go down to the park and loop around so once I made it back to my car I was at 6.15 miles. Almost a 10k!:-)

Last Thursday Caitlin invited me out with her and Sam to "Conscious Corner" in Clarksville. On Thursdays they have this offer where if you get your paper thing they give you stamped by all the stores in the shopping center, you get a $5 gift card to use at any of the stores. It was pretty cool. The whole shopping center is like Organic/Sustainable stores. I really liked "Roots" which was the grocery store. It was like a combination of Trader Joe's and MoM's. I got a few things there, including Coconut Oil and Flaxseed.

I like trying new stuff, so I decided to give these things a try. I had the flaxseed with cottage cheese the other night, it wasn't bad. And I used the coconut oil last night to saute spinach and it was great! You can also use it as a moisturizer for your face and hair. I might have to give that a try as well!

I definitely want to go back there and get some more things. We will probably go to "Great Sage" which is the restaurant there, to use our gift cards. They have Happy Hour, Gluten Free Nights, etc. Which makes me want to take my mom on a gluten free night! She might like that.
While there, we also went into "Nest" which is basically a store with hippy clothes, cookware, house ware, etc. But, while in there I saw "Forks Over Knives - The Cookbook" and I had to get it!

I'm pretty sure I've written in here before about the movie "Forks Over Knives" It's all about organic/vegan/plant based eating and the benefits. I still can't commit to a completely plant based diet, but I definitely want to try some of the recipes in the book! They look really good. Now I just need to go grocery shopping for ingredients!

I have been eating much better recently. Some days I will log everything I eat into MyFitnessPal, but other days I try to just keep in mind what I have eaten. I don't want to have to rely on an app my whole life, but it does help.

Today I'm going to work out with Lt. Bussing. I'm not sure what he has in store for me, but as long as we don't do sprints, I'll be happy! I might need to do something else after that, depending on how many calories I burn. I'll admit it, I'm addicted to burning a lot of calories. At the gym, I can burn over 1,000 calories easily. But, I realize now that it's about the quality of calories burned, not quantity. When I burn 1,000 calories at the gym, it's because I went on the stairmill for 30 minutes, then the elliptical for 30 minutes, then did some weight machines. My heart is working extremely hard, but my body is not moving much at all. I'm sure it helps with my endurance and what not, but it obviously wasn't getting the weight off. Now that I've been running, and working with Lt. Bussing again, the weight is finally starting to come off. Finally.

Speaking of weight, let me do a "weigh in" like I used to. It'll help keep me accountable and it's more exciting to read a blog with a weigh in! Maybe?:-P

Previous Weight - 166.6 (9/10)

Current Weight - 163.2 (9/17)

Weight Lost - 3.4 pounds

Yes! Finally. I feel so relieved to see the scale move. And it feels amazing to not see any 170's anymore! Now I need to get in the 150's again and I'll feel really good!:-) Ultimate goal for now? 145.

This has been a long, hard struggle with myself, my eating habits, my exercise habits. It's more tough mentally than it is physically. It's hard to believe sometimes how "addicted" I am to food. Put me around sweets and I pretty much can't control myself. If you left me in an empty room with a pie and told me not to eat it, that would be torture! I'm trying my best to sever my relationship with food. I don't want to love it anymore. I just want to be able to think of it as something I need to survive, not something I need to be happy, or to have fun. It's just food. I keep telling myself that, but it still gets the best of me sometimes.

Fortunately, I have been feeling more like my "old self" as in, the super healthy, exercise every day Anna that I used to be. I've been taking tons of vitamins and drinking green teas like I used to. Running almost every day, like I used to... It feels pretty great:-)

Sometimes when I'm running, I like to think of things that make me happy. I think of things to keep my mind off the fact that "Hey, I'm running. It's kind of hard to breathe. I sound like I'm having an asthma attack. I want to stop." And instead I just think of anything besides running to keep my mind busy. A lot of times I think of myself, and all that I've been through to get where I am. I'm not saying I'm so special or anything like that. And I haven't had a "hard life" by any means. But to go from being 231 pounds, lazy, thinking that you'll never be able to run, never be able to get a good job, never be pretty, never be a lot of things... to 160ish pounds, running miles and miles, and living what once was only a dream? Now that's the kind of thinking that gets me through my long runs. I won't lie, I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm not cocky. I'm just happy that I was able to go from nothing to something.

Alright, I'll stop with the emoness and finish this blog up. Thank you for reading and for all those who continue to give me support on this never ending journey<3

Anna

Slowly, But Surely

Good morning everyone. Yes, 10:53am is still morning time! I just woke up about 20 minutes ago and although I really wanted to get back in bed, I decided I might as well stay up and be productive. I've been doing that a lot lately. Anyways, it's almost been a week since my last update and there has been progress!

I've definitely been doing much better with my eating. On my 3 days off I ate pretty well, from what I can recall. I weighed myself the day before work and I was 167.2. The morning of work I gave myself a pep talk. Told myself "It's just food. I know it's good, but you don't have to stuff yourself. I know it sucks now, but it will be worth it in the end."

 I stayed pretty busy at work. Did all my usual morning checks, washed the ambulance (doing it alone is a little bit of a workout... maybe?), cleaned some ladders, and a few other random things. Lunch time came around and I tried my best. I only had one small bowl of soup and a plate of salad, which reminds me, I need to bring in my own dressing because Ranch and Italian dressing are not so good. Not only is Balsamic Vinaigrette delish, it's also only 25 calories per serving so it's a win win situation.

The only thing that got me at lunch was the garlic bread. Damn bread! I love it. I could eat slices of bread like chips. The fact that I'm the one who does the dishes and puts away the leftovers makes it a little tempting. To see 5 slices of leftover garlic bread... it's just torture! How could I not grab one more? I wish I had someone to shock me every time I wanted to reach for another serving of any kind of food!

Dinner time I did well. I had 1 medium sized serving of penne with chicken and vegetables in a garlic sauce. That's it. I've been trying to drink a ton of water with my meals to help fill me up as well. I think it helps a little. Another thing that gets me while I'm at work is Southern MD hospital. They have a nice little room for Fire Dept people to do their reports in and it just so happens to be stocked with treats for us. Bananas, oranges, chewy granola bars, Oreos, yogurt, and assorted drinks. So yeah, I could be healthy and eat some fruit, but usually I want the Oreos! I did have a banana this time, but I think another time we went back there I gave in and had an Oreo:-/ Oh well.

The moment of truth is always the day after work. I weigh myself when I get home to see the damage done. Fortunately for me, I didn't get any calls after midnight! Truly a miracle, but it seems to be happening to me quite often. Anyways, I was pretty motivated when I got off work. I decided to go straight to Trader Joe's in Columbia, since we did just get paid and all:-) I love shopping there. It actually motivates me to eat better things. And they have so many low calorie things, it's sweet. Anyways, I got home from shopping and got on the scale. 167 even. Whaaaaat? I know it's not much, but I lost 0.2 pounds after 24 hours at work?! I was pretty excited!:-)

Now I am back to another day before work and again, it's not much, but I weighed myself this morning and I was 166.6. I dunno if I should be happy about that number! But I am, even if it is the devil's number. Now I have to be good tomorrow! I must! I can't let this hard work go to waste!

The picture of Chief up above is from yesterday. It was a beautiful day out so Charlie and I took him for a walk at Wincopin Trail. I forced Charlie to take the long way this time. We skipped one little part of the trail but it ended up being 4.87 miles all together. Chief had a blast and was super tired afterwards, but it was a great walk. It's crazy how much lower my calorie burn is when I just walk. Such a bummer, but I made up for it later with a good workout at the gym. I love the gym on Sunday nights:-)

After our walk, we went to Columbia mall for a little shopping. This is a... sensitive subject for me, I'd say. First of all, shopping used to be the hardest thing for me. Once I found Torrid (a plus size store) things were much better, but I had to pay an arm and a leg for one shirt. And looking back, even with cute clothes, I still looked fat and ugly. The greatest part about losing weight was getting to buy smaller size clothes. It was awesome to buy things in one size, and two weeks later need a smaller size. But after gaining that weight in the academy, a few of my things had gotten tight on me and THAT was a blower. I refused to buy any bigger clothes. I just stuck with what I could fit in comfortably.

The reason it's a sore subject for me though, is because I've received a few comments from people about my style. Yeah, I'll admit it, I'm no fashionista. I guess I suck at being stylish. I've been told I have my "own style" which is ok I guess, but when I take a step back and compare myself to others I guess I just come off as childish in my clothing choices. Always shorts and a random shirt. Flip flops, no accessories, and I just bought my first two "casual" dresses this year. I'm pretty behind when it comes to any fashion trends. So yesterday I decided to go shopping somewhere I've never shopped (Nordstrom) and try on clothes that didn't grab my complete attention. I even strayed from my usual color choice... black. Ok, yes, those are black pants in the picture! But hey, I don't own any black pants so that's my first pair:-) And an orange shirt? Never owned an orange shirt.

I had fun trying on different styles of clothes. I felt like I was on my own episode of "What Not To Wear." And the nice part was that I was fitting into everything that I tried on. 11/13 pants and Medium shirts. Which is the same size I had been wearing prior to my weight gain. I was happy:-) Not so happy when it came time to pay, but I guess you get what you pay for... right? Slowly, but surely, I will find my inner fashionista.

I ended the day with a workout at the gym and a nice bowl of fruit. I'd say it was a great day:-) And now I have one more day off before I go back to work. I'm not sure what I'm going to do today for my workout. It seems nice out so I'll probably go for a run at the trail. All I do know is that I'm not running at Laurel Lake again, at least not for awhile. I ran there Saturday morning and it was so annoying. I wish people would learn some walking/running etiquette! People walking on the wrong side of the path, in the middle, swerving back and forth. I had to dodge people the whole run and it was not fun at all. I'll stick to the empty trail!

Well, I suppose I'll go start my day and figure out what I'm gonna do for my workout. Then start some laundry:-( Oh, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who read my blog last week, and all the people who "liked" it on facebook. I wasn't expecting such a huge response, but it really makes me more motivated to keep writing and to keep working hard every day.  I hope that I can spread some of my energy to those who need it. If anyone ever has any questions for me, or suggestions for blogs to write, just let me know:-)

Anna

Coming Clean

First day of the academy

 Wow... It's almost been 7 months since I have written a blog. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. I finally decided to write a blog for a couple reasons. First off, a few of my friends and family have asked me about writing again. Second, I need to do it for myself, to keep myself committed. And third, because I had a semi-epiphany today while running, but I'll get to that later. First, let me do a little catching up. I can't write a super long blog because I don't want to be boring, but hey, it has been 7 months!

I started the PGFD academy on March 12. At first it seemed like it would be a prison for 3 months, but it wasn't what I had assumed at all. In the beginning things were definitely scary. We were all nervous, scared of the instructors, always on our toes. But eventually we all began to bond... well, most of us. We honestly didn't have much class tension. In my opinion, we got along pretty well.

They split us into companies of 4 and 5 people, and assigned a class leader. I was in company 4. I loved my company:-) We all got along great and got the job done. I was very happy with my group. But anyways, about 6 weeks or so into the academy, they decided to assign a new company leader. They chose me... I know, right? Me? Out of all the people, why me? I wasn't sure, but I was not happy. I am not the leadership type. I don't have a strong, commanding voice whatsoever, and I don't really like being in charge of 26 other people or the responsibilities that come with a position like that. But alas, I had no choice. I sucked it up and dealt with it for 4 weeks until I couldn't take it anymore. I resigned as class leader. After that, it was smooth sailing. But I will say that in the end, it was a good experience.

3 months in the academy went by in the blink of an eye. To me, it was fun. I had a blast. There were way more good times than there were bad. Towards the end we started to have more fun with the instructors and do more things outside of class. When it got close to graduation, I was almost sad to be leaving! That's how much I enjoyed the academy. I made some life long friends in there, especially my carpool buddy, Johnson. It was great being able to carpool with someone through (almost) the whole academy. It was nice having someone to vent to after class, or discuss upcoming tests with, etc. I'm really thankful for the entire experience.

Graduation was June 11. Things were starting to get scary. We didn't even know where we were assigned yet! Unfortunately, we had to go back to the academy after graduation for the rest of the week because we didn't have permanent homes yet:-(

The day after graduation we all had to do a BLS ride along at a chosen station. I got station 49 (Laurel) which is conveniently 5 minutes away from my house. Needless to say, it wasn't the best experience, but that's in the past. Point is, while I was at 49, I was contacted by a Battalion Chief and given my assignment...

Station 832, Allentown Rd, A Shift.

Whoa... let me tell you. The first thing that came to my mind was "Where is that?!" I knew nothing about the southside! I pretty much got assigned complete opposite of everything I had imagined. Shift work, on the southside... wow! It was a big shock, but little did I know that I was going to one of the best firehouses around.

My first day was June 19. A 24 hour shift. I needed to be there BEFORE 0600, even though our shift technically starts at 0700, but that's the life of a rookie! I'm pretty sure I got there at 0530. I was so nervous. So, so, soooo nervous. Even my Officer had to tell me to relax. Things went well, and they just continue to get better each and every shift. I could not be happier with where I'm assigned and the people I work with. My crew is one of a kind and we are very close. We are possibly the only firehouse that sits down together, as a family, and eats 3 meals a day. It's very nice:-)

Now, what I really need to talk about is all the bad stuff that went on during the past 7 months. Don't worry, nothing terrible with family or friends or anything like that, but with me, my eating habits, and my exercise! I'll be honest, I thought the academy was going to be like boot camp every day. I thought I would be getting plenty of exercise and that maybe I could ease up on my strict eating habits just a tad... WRONG! I was oh so wrong. I'm not saying that the PT wasn't difficult at times, BUT, it was nothing compared to the consistent hardcore workouts I did prior to the academy. Not only that, but I let my good eating habits go. I let them go wayyyyy far away. I started eating terrible. Candy every day during class, mostly because I couldn't stay awake. Monster energy drinks to combat the sleepiness. An iced coffee and possibly a cheese danish in the morning. WaWa was my best friend. Oh, and my secretly fat (but you wouldn't ever know it) carpool buddy, Johnson, just loved to go out to eat after class. Hey, I'm not blaming him, I'm a sucker for Chipotle! (and all the other places we ate.)

Working 5 days a week, Monday through Friday made the weekends ever so precious! Friday and Saturday were party like a rock star days, and Sunday was recover day. No exercising was being accomplished. I'm going to show you my calendars (because I did manage to still do those) so you can see the fast decline in my usual routine.

Yeah, you see I was doing good pre-academy! I managed one measly run on the 17th. But other than that... nothin! And as you can see, we only did PT on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And the calorie burnage was not much:-/

April was somewhat better. I did the Cherry Blossom 10 miler, I managed to do a run and a walk, and then my biggest accomplishment yet, the Iron Girl 1/2 Marathon! I gotta say, I did NOT think I was going to finish that, but I did. All 13.1 miles of it. It was one of the most amazing feelings ever and I was definitely proud of myself.

May... wow. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And you can see on the 30th I wrote my weight. 173.8:-( Disgusting. Totally unacceptable. My lowest weight ever was 149.2 but I'll admit, I was slacking a bit before the academy and I was around 157 when I started. But 173.8?! Ridiculous. The sad part is that I was always weighing myself throughout the academy and I would see that it was going up! But it was always in small increments so I didn't think much of it. But it all added up and now I regret so badly not doing something to stop it while it was happening!:'(

June! Graduation time and the start of my road back to healthiness. I joined LifeTime Fitness on June 16th. It was my graduation present to myself to help me get back on track. Obviously I wasn't perfect at going in the beginning, but I was trying!

Hey, look at me!! Putting in lots of time at the gym and only missing a few days. Still though, slow progress. The exercise part is beginning to feel natural to me again, it's the eating that's holding me back now. I'm somehow managing to only stay the same weight. The terrible eating (and drinking) is counteracting all my hard work at the gym. Dang!

So, obviously if it hasn't made sense yet, I don't workout on the days I work (all the days marked A) because I wake up at 0400 and I'm not quite sure if I could wake up any earlier than that to try and workout! I wish we could do some PT while we're at work, but it's kind of hard to fit that in when we stay pretty busy all day. But I'm still thinking of a way to get exercise on my work days.

So, now that you've seen the past 6 months of my calendars, here's what's going on now...

I work out extremely hard on my days off. I'd say my eating is decent. I try to eat good foods, but it's definitely not the kinds I used to eat. When I am off on weekends, that's not a good thing. The social drinking has really been my enemy. Not only are the drinks bad for my diet, but that fact that drunk Anna is hungry Anna! I go insane when I drink. I always want to eat so much and then the next day is filled with regret. It's a pretty vicious cycle.

Along with that, on the days I do work, I'm not the best. My Officer cooks all 3 of our meals. They are always delicious and BIG. And it's usually like Fogo De Chao for all 3 meals. There's ALWAYS a meat, or two, with each meal. This is great for some people with fast metabolisms, but it kills me. I know that I need to do my part to combat that, but it's so hard. The food is amazing, so I always want a ton. And there's no way I'm going to deny his food and start bringing my own. So my only real option is portion control. I REALLY need to work on that. If only food wasn't like crack...

So, now you know what I've been going through and my current dilemma. My weight fluctuates between 168 and 173. It's usually 173 the morning after I work>:-( I'm thinking that I may need to try doing my weekly weigh-ins again just to try and keep me on track. It helps when I know people are watching what I do! So I may start that soon. I also need to start logging all my meals on MyFitnessPal again. Sigh. There's a lot of things I need to work on.

I really wanted to write this blog because I need to get this stuff out. I hold so much frustration in over this whole situation and I think my title describes it best... I just need to come clean. I have felt so depressed over gaining weight during the academy. No one wants to go back to their old ways or looks. I never want to be fat Anna again, EVER. And I'm ashamed and disgusted that I let myself start getting that way again! It's completely embarrassing and I hate myself for it. I just hope so bad to one day be back to my pre-academy self.

Another thing that I let go during the academy was my running. I loved running. It was something that I finally felt I was good at. I was confident in my running and it made me happy. Running 7 races in one year was amazing and I wanted to be better this year. Unfortunately, I stopped running during the academy and starting back up has been difficult, to say the least. I've attempted on the treadmill-terrible, outside around Laurel-not much better... but I think I just might have found my saving grace... trail running. I always loved running on the Wincopin trail over in Savage. On Saturday I decided I'd give it a try. See if I could run the whole thing like I used to... and I did. I felt amazed afterwards. I started to feel like my old running self again. It was really reassuring to know that I could still do that. It gave me some hope.

I decided to do it again today and it was even better! Today is the day that I forgot about my breathing, I was in the zone, and I was smiling as I ran up and down hills, over rocks and roots, between tiny paths of grass that grazed my legs, jumped over streams and ditches and logs, looked up at the trees and the sky and just seized the moment. I just kept going. I finished the trail and decided to go down another path that I had never been on before. I didn't know where it led me, but I took it anyways. It took me through a beautiful, fun, and exhilarating path that eventually let me out far from my car. I didn't know where I was when I emerged from the woods. I looked for myself on GoogleMaps and found that I was about 2 miles from my car, so I decided to run back to it. My 3.3 mile trail turned into a 5.59 mile experience that made me fall in love with running again. It proved to me that I can still run and that it still gives me that feeling that it used to. I'm so glad that I took the unknown path.

Well, I think that sufficiently covers quite a bit of things. I could go on for longer but I will save some for later. I hope that in continuing to write in my blog I can become more inspired to be my best. I thank the people who encouraged me to write again... you know who you are:-)

Thanks for reading!:-)

Anna

New Tattoo & Strawberry Chia Seed Jelly

Here's the picture of my new tattoo that I promised. Sorry it's a little revealing! People keep telling me "I can't tell where it is on your body!" so does this explain it? It's on my right hip/thigh area.

I love it:-) But I'm excited to see it in a few weeks. Dee said it will look much better once the colors lighten up and what not. So we'll see!:-) It's definitely different than all my other tattoos. Something without blue or purple in it! lol:-P

"The amaryllis symbolizes pride, determination and radiant beauty--the kind that emanates from an inner source and flowers outward."


I think it's the perfect meaning for why I got it. Losing 80+ pounds took a lot of determination!! I'm very proud of it, and now I'm just so radiantly beautiful!! lol kidding:-P


So last week my friend Caitlin told me about this strawberry chia seed jelly recipe. She said she made it and it was easy, healthy and yummy! It looked soooo easy that I decided to try and make it myself!:-) Here is the recipe along with some pics:-)

Strawberry Chia Seed Jelly

Ingredients

1 cup of chopped strawberries

Truvia or Stevia (or any calorie free sweetener) I used two packets (4 teaspoons)

2 Tablespoons of Chia Seeds

1/2 Cup of water

I chopped my strawberries fairly small, but do whatever floats your boat!

2 packets (4 teaspoons) seemed to be a good amount! I'll find out when I taste it! lol

I put the strawberries in a bigger, microwavable bowl, sprinkled the Truvia on, and stirred to coat.

Once coated in the Truvia, cook in the microwave for 1 minute and 30 seconds. Remove and continue to the next step.

Add 1/2 cup of water to the strawberries and 2 tablespoons of chia seeds, mix. Once I mixed mine together, I transferred it to a Tupperware container and put it in the fridge. The original recipe said to leave it in the fridge over night, but Caitlin said an hour or so is good.

I know this is disappointing, but I have NOT gotten to try it yet! I know, I know... how rude of me to write a blog with a recipe and not even have any feedback on it yet?! Sorry! lol:-)

I'm going to try it out when I get off work in the morning. I'm so excited! Hopefully it's good. I'm going to make it a lot if it is, since it was so simple! And barely any calories!:-)

Oh, so bad news! I'm not sure what happened, but at some point on Monday, I hurt my foot!:-( I worked out with Lieutenant Bussing Monday morning, but we didn't do anything extreme. A few sprints and mostly upper body. But Monday night at work, it started to hurt when I would walk. Then yesterday, before work, I decided to go for a run since it was SO nice outside! Well, bad idea. It really made my foot hurt A LOT more!:-( I was only able to do a 5k and as soon as I reached that distance, I walked the rest of the way home, which I never do!

I told Lieutenant Bussing and he thinks it could be a stress fracture! I hope not!! I wrapped it in an ace bandage tonight and I'm trying to stay off it as much as possible:-/ He said I shouldn't run for a week...!!!! Booooo! That really sucks because not running for a week really messes me up! *Sigh*  I know it's for the best though. I need it to be healed before the academy starts. I want to be 100%!

Well, I just wanted to do a quick update. Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to talk about in my next blog:-/

Thank you for reading<3

*4 more shifts!!!!*

Counting Down The Days

I'm still alive! I've just been slacking lately... a lot! I've had a lot of stuff to do since my last post, and I just never got around to blogging! My apologies:-)

Pictured to the right is the screen of my treadmill. That is my latest personal record for a 5k, which I did on 2/7/12. Yay!! I was pretty excited about that!

Back tracking a little... on 2/4 I went out to Looney's (again) with Rob, and then we were joined later by Alicia. We had a blast!! Drank way too many shots though, and it eventually got to me! To make a long story short, I threw up all over myself, in Roch's bed (Sorry Roch!) and I was just a mess!! So embarrassing!:-/ The worst part of it was the fact that I somehow threw up on my phone, causing it to get water damage:-( So for a few days it wasn't really working. Now it's 95% recovered. The volume is always really low though:-/ So yes, two phones in the span of 8 days... *sigh*

On 2/9 I worked out with a Lieutenant who works for PG County Fire Dept. It was awesome!! He's a real good trainer. Tough, but very helpful. I learned a lot of new things! He was basically just getting a feel for how in shape I was and what I needed to work on, so it was cool!

2/10 was my fire department orientation. It was good!! 9 hours long, but we covered a lot. I got to try on gear, uniforms, class A's, and jackets. It was fun:-) I had to introduce myself to all of my classmates which was pretty nerve wracking, but I think I did ok! Everyone in my class seems pretty cool, so far!:-)

Charlie worked on Valentine's Day, so we didn't do anything. But he did get me flowers, Boordy wine, and wine glasses, which was really nice. I love Boordy wine, and I didn't have wine glasses! lol So it was a good gift!:-)

The following day, I contemplated running 13.1 miles. I had been wanting to attempt it for awhile, but just couldn't commit myself! After some convincing from a friend, I finally just sucked it up and ran! It was sunny and pretty mild out when I started the run, but after 2 hours and 21 minutes, it was dark and cold!!:-(

I actually wanted to stop at mile 8! I'm not sure why I was feeling it so early on, but it sucked. I should have been more prepared:-/ I need to get some kind of water bottle belt, and some energy beans or gel. I only had a measly piece of Quench gum!

I'm not quite sure what kept me motivated to keep going. My legs were starting to get shaky, my knee was hurting, and I could feel blisters forming on my feet. The hardest part was when I got back into my neighborhood and I was only at 11 miles. Which meant I had to run past my house multiple times to be able to reach the full 13.1! So tough. I must have went back and forth in my head about 10 times, trying to decided if I wanted to stop now or keep going. I'm so glad I kept running. I don't think I could have forgiven myself for reaching 12 or so miles, and stopping! That would have been so disappointing to me!

I soldiered on and ran past my house and back, twice. I finally reached my door with a total distance of 13.18 miles (see picture above) and I wanted to die!!! I was in so much pain. I felt like I could throw up. I was also freezing!! I'm pretty sure I got hypothermia out there! I could not stop shivering, yet at the same time I was sweating. It was terrible! I'm pretty sure that's what dying feels like!:-(

After I finally recovered, I took a shower and we went out to Outback for our belated Valentine's Day dinner. It was delish and I definitely deserved it after that run!! I also deserved a big box of chocolates! Mmm:-) It was a good day and I'm super proud of myself! Never would have imagined I could run 13.1!:-)

Let's see... On Friday I worked out with the Lieutenant again. This time it was intense! 10 uphill sprints to start, then lots of legs and upper body, some core, then we ended with 10 more sprints!! Yikes!! I burned a TON of calories! It was great:-)

Saturday was Lourdes's birthday which she had at Barcode in DC. To the right is what I wore:-) I bought that dress at Tjmaxx a few months ago, and I finally got to wear it! Along with my cheetah print heels from Target:-) So cute, but so uncomfortable!! Ouch:-(

We had a good time. The food was yummy and the place was really cute! I've never really been out in DC, so it was a good experience. We took the metro there, too, so that was kind of a fun adventure lol... kind of.

Well, I don't want to bore you with my whole entire week(s) but I just wanted to get you a little caught up.Hopefully I can finish the rest of February out strong! Since I haven't been the BEST at eating or exercising since Valentine's Day!:-/ Major slacking going on here!!!

Oh! By the way, I have a weigh in! Although I've gained like 5 pounds over the weekend, I'll still count it as a loss!:-)

Previous Weight - 150.4

Current Weight - 149.2 (2/12)

Weight Lost - 1.2 Pounds

Total Weight Lost - 82.2 Pounds!

Yipeee! Super happy about that. Now I just need it to stay that way on the weekends!! Hahaha... right;-)



Oh... so one of the main reasons I wrote this blog is because tomorrow I'm getting my tattoo!! Of course  those of you who know me on facebook will get to see a picture of it ASAP! Then I'll post a picture of it on here later. I'm really hoping that my Amaryllis blooms tomorrow! It's soooo close! I'd love to be able to take a picture of it next to my new tattoo:-)

Ok, well I'm starting to get sleepy while writing this so I need to get off the computer! Thanks for reading. Look for a tattoo blog next!:-)

Toodles!!

*19 more days!*